Gendered sex-ed, positions, kinks and consent with Ilana (they/she)

Trigger warning – mentions of sexual assault

Welcome to the fifth S3XtheorywithDemi & Friends episode! In this episode, Demi is joined by Ilana (they/she) to discuss gender language in relation to sexual acts, sex education within schools and the impact of a gendered curriculum, BDSM and kinks as a gender-conforming/nonbinary individuals. Ilana and Demi discuss the impact of binary discussions of sex education, looking at the difference between the UK and US and the importance of online sex education via social platforms such as IG.

Ilana (they/she) is a sex educator and filmmaker passionate about intersectional consent and pleasure based sex education. In their free time, Ilana likes to watch 90s teen horror, collage and listen to hyper pop. You can find her on Instagram @ilana.s3xed and

Show Notes

What you will find in this episode:

  • Ilana’s sex education experience
  • The impact of gendered language in the world of sex education
  • Ilana’s personal story (trigger warning)
  • US vs UK sex education – abstinence vs faith schools
  • When did Ilana start using they/them pronouns?
  • Gendered nicknames during sex – more of an issue in work life vs sexuality
  • Ilana and Demi’s experience of using double pronouns whilst working with students – titled pronouns
  • Job vs personal life – using pronouns in the workplace
  • Gendered sex toys – what can you use (suction, magic wands etc)
  • Moving towards inclusivity in BDSM and the sex toy world
  • Covid 19 and sex toys
  • Ilana’s favourite sex toy currently – classic magic wand / beginner toys ‘everybody tango’ – gender neutral marketing
  • Ilana’s advice for being gender neutral within sexual acts

Ilana’s socials

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